A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat.... she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

Smart Ass Answer #4:

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Smart Ass Answer #3:

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.

The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Smart Ass Answer #2:

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A
sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the
bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed
up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.

The cop gets out of his car and walks up to the truck driver, puts his hands
on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"

The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and
ran out of gas."

#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2005...

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's
final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for
you not being here
tomorrow.. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal
injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no
other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his
hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering
from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to
laughter and snickering.

When silence is finally restored, the teacher smiles
knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says. "Well, I
guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."