A history lesson for you
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World History - as it Really Happened
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
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Liberals
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Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these Liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie men. Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided. Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern Liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu and French food are standard Liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood (and
Toronto ) and group therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, pilots, members of the military and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than North Americans. That is why most of the Liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to North America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more Liberals just to piss them off!!
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whew, glad I'm a conservative democrat. But you were right about the imported beer (New Castle or any REALLY dark beer for that matter) but not about the lime. Sushi=BLEH! same for Tofu and most French foods.
You forgot the part about people from liberal states generally having above average IQ's in relation to conservative states.
But eh, I will forward it and I'm not angry. It was funny after all.
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capitlj wrote:
Pretty funny, but I like some imported beer, sushi too.Please tell me you are a republican.....
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Don't you mean freedom fries?
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i think our country jsut needs to start over, get rid of all the politicians and we will just try again
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Hmmmm I like to shoot stuff, drink beer, and drive cars that get terrible gas mileage. What do you think?
> Mitch Hedberg wrote:
> I'm sick of following my dreams, I'm just going to find out where they are going and hook up with them later.ASE certified parts specialist.
2004 Impala LS 3.8 -
Me too.....and I'm a democrat.
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