What is up with Chuck Norris??
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Got This Email. Thought some of it was funny.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but
because he has run out of women.Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris
can kill him and take it.Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the
speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was
flying over the Pacific Ocean.Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the
face.Chuck Norris only
masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided
to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a
beard.Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was
removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse
kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths
have increased 13,000 percent.Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul
back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad
and admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of
the month.Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered,
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the
crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could
chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME
IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his
girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with
Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this
statement and laughed so hard
that anyone within a hundred mile radius of
the blast went deaf.Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard,
deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
"beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous
of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have
Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse
kick related deaths.To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15
cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different
kinds of
cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that,
Lance Armstrong.There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school
football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to
let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused
kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang
every girl in the stadium.The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise,"
and
starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too
much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked
names for his left and right legs.When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera
or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no
wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He
always makes it to Oregon before you.It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate,
but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to
him. Pirates never were very smart.Chuck Norris recently had the idea
to sell his urine as a canned beverage. -
AFSil80 wrote:
My guess is that it started on off-topic.com. That's where the 'o rly' owl started, and Lord knows how many other overplayed e-trends.norly!
av<* :hsd:
I'm not sure where it 'started', but that's one of the many lists that's floating around the internet again.
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I first saw it on Supraforums. Most of the OT whores there are on off-topic.com so I just assumed.
I must admit, of the automotive boards, Supraforums has the best OT. It's so random, it's amazingly hilarious what all comes up.
The thread I'm about to make regarding 'motivational posters' was on SF.
-Peter
1991 240SX
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99slowGSX wrote:
Lets play a fun Chuck Norris game..........next person who brings him up is banned for a week........:D"cause the eyes of the ranger are upon youuuu.. any wrong you do he's gonna see. When you're in Texas look behind youuuu, cause thats....where the ranger's.....gonna be"
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dubbsy wrote:
"cause the eyes of the ranger are upon youuuu.. any wrong you do he's gonna see. When you're in Texas look behind youuuu, cause thats....where the ranger's.....gonna be"lmfao
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Jim wrote:
So is that where all this stuff stemmed from?
It all came from www.somethingawful.com like 99% of the comedy on the internet, including the owl's.It starts there and gets stolen slowly by other sites, like www.fark.com, and the worst offender e-balmsworld.
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http://www.break.com/movies/toomuchcs.html
Another very annoying trend. Every forum has atleast one person with his avatar. No offense to anyone who has used on this forum...
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
and many more can be found at the one and only true chuck norris site. The true begining if you will all 5 pages of worthless chuck norris knowledge.
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AFSil80 wrote:
The 'boom head shot' was the single most retarded thing I had ever watched. I remember someone had it on here (admin, I think) and I wanted to stab leppers every single time I saw it.
i mean i heard theres no respawn points in RL, if i get any lag in the desert, what happens next im dead. -
99slowGSX wrote:
I liked the boom head shot guy.....Argh, that was you!
STiSchucky wrote:
i mean i heard theres no respawn points in RL, if i get any lag in the desert, what happens next im dead.Yeah, no respawn points = t3h sux0r$. We gotta hold that shit down in Qatar!
-Peter
1991 240SX
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