IM conversations......Long, but funny.

[darkelvis]

Got these all from the ebaumsworld forums.

Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...

<i8b4uUnderground> d-_-b
<BonyNoMore> how u make that inverted b?
<BonyNoMore> wait
<BonyNoMore> never mind

<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today
<jeebus> he was a fucken impostor
<jeebus> never once moved diagonally

<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile ([email protected]) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
<anamexis> :<

<Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
<Cthon98> ********* see!
<AzureDiamond> hunter2
<AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me
<Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> *******
<Cthon98> thats what I see
<AzureDiamond> oh, really?
<Cthon98> Absolutely
<AzureDiamond> you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
<AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you?
<Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
<Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> awesome!
<AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw?
<Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
<AzureDiamond> oh, ok.

docsigma2000: jesus christ man
docsigma2000: my son is sooooooo dead
c8info: Why?
docsigma2000: hes been looking at internet web sites in fucking EUROPE
docsigma2000: HE IS SURFING LONG DISTANCE
docsigma2000: our fucking phone bill is gonna be nuts
c8info: Ooh, this is bad. Surfing long distance adds an extra $69.99 to your bill per hour.
docsigma2000: ...!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK
docsigma2000: is there some plan we can sign up for???
docsigma2000: cuz theres some cool stuff in europe, but i dun wanna pauy that much
c8info: Sorry, no. There is no plan. you'll have to live with it.
docsigma2000: o well, i ccan live without europe intenet sites.
docsigma2000: but till i figure out how to block it hes sooooo dead
c8info: By the way, I'm from Europe, your chatting long distance.
** docsigma2000 has quit (Connection reset by peer)

<ohm> damn
<ohm> FUCK
<ohm> DAMN
<ohm> i was just in an AIM convo with a chick, and my grandmother's window pops up
<ohm> FUCK
<ohm> i go like this to her
<ohm> "i want to suck on your clit"
<ohm> FUCK

<calin> we had a guy at school that wore black lipstick.. and was all gothy.. and then one day we caught him buying an assvibrator
<ecoli> ew.
<ecoli> wait, you "caught" him?
<ecoli> like, you were behind him in line at the assvibrator store?
<Aero> he doesnt answer
*** Quits: calin (No route to host)

<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<phxl|paper> and DANCE

• nmp3bot dances D-<
• nmp3bot dances D|-<
• nmp3bot dances D/-<
  <[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet

<_kr4m3r> so many fucking criminals, its bullshit
<foniks> heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die <foniks> and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?"
<foniks> whatd u think they'd say? <FoSZoR[bg]> something along the lines of, "GDay mate"

<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...

<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

<MooseOnDaLoose> Hey Mike
<goatboy> what?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> er?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> and?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> ...
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> i dont get it
<MooseOnDaLoose> AND YOU NEVER WILL.
<goatboy> bastard

[darkelvis]

<scirDSL> I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.

<Batty> Euch, rap is just missing one letter. c.
<zeep> rapc?
<Batty> ...
<Batty> Crap you idiot. you put the c on the other end
<zeep> oic
<Batty> Though you could also say it's missing an e
<zeep> wtf is erap?

• Batty bangs his head repeatedly against a wall

<reo4k> just type /quit whoever, and it'll quit them from irc

• luckyb1tch has quit IRC (r`heaven)
• r3devl has quit IRC (r`heaven)
• sasopi has quit IRC (r`heaven)
• phhhfft has quit IRC (r`heaven)
• blackersnake has quit IRC (rheaven) <ibaNreo4k[ex]> that's gotta hurt
  <r`heaven>

<frank> can you help me install GTA3?
<knightmare> first, shut down all programs you aren't using
frank has quit IRC. (Quit)
<knightmare> ...

<Mendo> lmao there's a wicked lookign spider on my monitor and if i move the mouse around he chases after it
<spitfire> haha mendo
<spitfire> take a screen shot
<spitfire> wait
<spitfire> that made no sense

(Mootar) morons.
(Mootar) these people who live in my apartment complex are connected to my wireless
(Mootar) they must think they're super-cool hackers by breaking into my completely unsecure network
(Mootar) unfortunatly, the connection works both ways
(Mootar) long story short, they now have loads of horse porn on their computer
(mylittlepony) wtf where did u get horse porn?
Mootar has quit irc.(Quit)

Jakefeb3: do you know a turtles only weakness?
AvatarOfSolusek: no
AvatarOfSolusek: well
AvatarOfSolusek: thier slowness
Jakefeb3: there weakness is they cant roll over when they are on their backs
AvatarOfSolusek: lol
Jakefeb3: now i have a plan
Jakefeb3: if i duck tape 2 turtles together they are unstoppable

<kylev> BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
<kylev> hahahahaha
<kylev> some girl just came onto our floor
<kylev> and was yelling "sexual favors for anyone who does my sociology paper"
<kylev> i just asked her what the paper was about
<kylev> and she said the accomplishments and growth of feminism
<`Neo> bahahahaha

<_rm> xp is great
<_rm> better than fucking me or 98

<NHBoy> I broke my G-string while fingering a minor
<rycool> ...
<NHBoy> I was trying to play Knocking on Heaven's Door.
<NHBoy> Oh well, time to buy new strings.

<Eticam> I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm
<Eticam> And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then
<Eticam> When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass
<Eticam> Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat
<Eticam> The girl started crying and left class ^^

<@David> Yay I get laid today! Been a month.... needing it by now
<@Sony> ...........
<@Sony> TMI TMI TMI
<@David> Only a few hundred pounds but its better than nothing
<Malpine> Thanks for the info
<@David> eh?
<@David> damn i meant PAID
<@David> I get PAID today
<@David> dammit

<missing> a chick walks by, u wish u could sex her
<missing> but ya standin on the wall like u was poindexter!
<akaIDIOT> since when is sex a verb?
<corngrits> i had sex
<corngrits> isnt that a verb ?
<ceraph> no, thats a miracle

<Casey8> Diana Ross' husband died
<Tarrier> how
<Casey8> fell while climbing in South Africa or something
<JennAway> that's sad
<Bubbaprog> i guess there is a mountain high enough

< hunterr83> my penis is this big: 8================================================= =======D
< Pokute> That's fewer than 6 inches on my screen, man.
< Pokute> and your balls are tiny
< Pokute> I don't even know what's going on with your head, there.
< Pokute> It's all out of proportion
< Pokute> you should see a doctor

[amicheze]

bash.org?

good stuff either way

[wa2fastcamaro]

Great stuff, after reading that it made my day just a littl emore interesting.

[pin]

Yeah, those came from bash.org.

[Legacy99]

Most of those are actually irc convos.

[KA-T_240]

those are great

[aliengotpsi]

Legacy99 wrote:
Most of those are actually irc convos.

Nerd.

[Afsil80]

aliengotpsi wrote:
Nerd.

.<

0h no3$!!11!!

[Jim]

That was me posting on kevins computer... lol

[Afsil80]

This post is deleted!

[Afsil80]

AFSil80: wanna see one of the ugliest 240's ever?
TonyStaigs: sure
AFSil80: not sure if I've shown it to you before, but here goes anyways
AFSil80: http://atlantastreets.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=59&stc=1
TonyStaigs: wtf ferrari kit?
AFSil80: hahaha
AFSil80: yeah
TonyStaigs: oh god
AFSil80: disgusting ain't it
TonyStaigs: thats not the word
AFSil80: that's almost as bad as the Trans Am 240
TonyStaigs: oh no
TonyStaigs: dont even THINK about showing me that one
AFSil80: you seen it?
TonyStaigs: nope and i dont wanna
AFSil80: hahaha, I'd rather look at tubgirl than that thing again
TonyStaigs: lmfao
TonyStaigs: kinda what i was gettin at
TonyStaigs: without actually saying it
AFSil80: here's the rear shot of the Enzo 240
AFSil80: I didn't host it tho, so that's why it's a different site
AFSil80: http://www.floridaracing.org/drifting/tertech/images/Picture%20044.jpg
TonyStaigs: i specifically told you NOT to show that to me
AFSil80: HAHAHAHA
AFSil80: his centerpiece says '240TA'
TonyStaigs: oh god
AFSil80: even though it should actually read 'Trans40'
TonyStaigs: wtf was he thinking
TonyStaigs: it really shouldnt read anything cause that car should be burned
AFSil80: hahahahahahahaa

[darkelvis]

silic0nsilence: So it's black friday at CompUSA.
Slider: Yea
silic0nsilence: We were to open up at 12am. It's 11:58pm and there is a HUGE line of blood-thirsty, hard drive-wanting, maniacs. So my friend dares me to scream we have one xbox360.
Slider: Holy shit.
silic0nsilence: So he gives me $20. I go up to the gate and scream, "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE JUST RECIEVED ONE XBOX360!!" Immediatly people are storming the gate, passing me money through the cage to get it. They were screaming and knocked over this old lady. My boss just looks at me with these red eyes. In them, I saw fear and rage.
Slider: Omg you dumb shit!
Slider: Wait a second, it's 12:46A, and it's black Friday. What did this happen minutes ago? Shouldn't you be at work?
silic0nsilence: Yeah..
silic0nsilence: Pretty sure I don't work at CompUSA any more..